Calm before the Storm

It's coming, Always Does


And so cometh the storm with all its might to renew the dry earth and breathe life unto life. To act as savior for the parched and burnt lands. To bring light through wicked snags of electrical explosions that announce their arrival only after having you bear witness to their confusion across the sky.

And so cometh the storm with all its intensity blowing 100 year old oaks to the point of snapping. Executioner! Whipping their old gnarled knuckles until finally they sag down to the earth and kneel down in acceptance of the true keeper of lands. The keeper that can give life and take it back in one fell swoop without any acknowledgment for existence beyond its own energy and its own moment.

And so cometh the storms that rains down fury to fill the rivers and creek beds and commands them to surge forward to clear out the debris in front of them so that what lies behind them is pure once again, able to thrive once again without disruption or memory of what has been so forcefully regurgitated from the banks.

And so cometh the storm that silences all other things and replaces any sound with only its war cry. Better to take heed and be silent. Better to shelter than to be exposed. Better to live than to die before the glorious will commands it. Hush now.........rush now..........and listen to the hooves of the mighty beasts that carry the great warrior across our plains. Thundering across with no care for you or I....so comes this storm. The only thing that sounds louder is perhaps the beating of your own heart.

The ferocity is indefinable. The speed of its flight is undeniable. The destruction that lie in its path is inevitable. Better have loved yours when you had the chance friend. Better have made peace when peace was easy gettin'. Better have, better have....better have heard the sudden silence whisper...its all okay now. The storm has gone. Taken its pay in some, but left others to cherish another moment in the life that was granted.

Sometimes even the most frightening things bring gifts that we cannot see until the storm passes through.

Original work by Jennie 8/17/2009


Happy Sunday folks. I also write poetry and have been doing so since my teens. I thought this appropriate for my thoughts of today. I, again, was at work serving my community. Glenn reports that CJ has had an excellent day. He did all his chores, spent time on his meal project and then hung out with his brother for the afternoon. A calm, quiet day, just how we like them. Quiet before the storm that I am expecting tomorrow.

I think I will call the supportive services chic and request that we hold the "grand meeting" by phone. I see no reason to go in personally to listen to the same rejections regarding care for CJ. I am also hesitant to have CJ sign off on the latest release which grants access to literally everything. I don't believe that someone who is not advocating for him should have access to all these materials. Aside from that, one department of this supportive services branch already has all his records. They can certainly pull whatever information they need from that, they already have my unwaivering opinion about placing him again, or rather, warehousing him again until he explodes. Not going to do it willingly. Since they are making this so incredibly difficult for us, they can sort through the two file boxes full of his records and medical care without my input.

A philosophical thought? I am a firm believer that everything, good or bad, happens for a reason. There were so many days when I would wallow in self pity and ask the question, why me? Why my son? I had to go through the phases of accepting what he is and letting go of what I wished he could be. I had to let go of the thoughts of watching him play little league baseball and trade off for watching him run in NNSEO...a type of special olympics for lack of better descriptions. I had to let go of the thoughts about him doing well in school and going off to college and embrace the fact that if he passes high school, it will be a huge achievement. I had to let go of thinking about him falling in love and getting married, maybe starting a family of his own to the reality of him never being able to have a relationship, even a friendship, because he lacks the skills to develop one. That and hoping he never does have children and pass along the suffering to another generation. I have had to lower the bar, ALOT. I basically had to "bury" the child he was before his first psychotic break, because really, he died that day. I see glimmers of the kiddo every now and again, and that keeps me going. He was really a normal little kid with endless amounts of energy related to the ADHD, but in advanced classes, making friends and doing well. Then he was taken from us for whatever reason. I will get into more of that later. The whole time I wondered why someone has to suffer so much, and all I can do is stand by his side in support, and silently suffer for him, with him.

Maybe this is the reason. Maybe all the hardships I have had to endure with CJ and otherwise have made me strong enough to be able to take this on with only hope spurring me on. Maybe because of his suffering something positive can result. Maybe I am not anticipating a storm, perhaps I am the storm coming.

....Sometimes even the most frightening things bring gifts that we cannot see until the storm passes through.